A few weeks ago, Elliot started talking about a couple of the girls in his class, and how he wanted them to come over for a visit. I told him that when I saw their parents, we could talk about having a play date. I wasn't sure who these girls were, let alone who their parents were, so I wasn't sure exactly how this conversation with the parents would take place. I was kind of hoping Elliot would just forget about it. His reason for wanting to invite one of the girls over was because she had the same toothbrush as him. I'm thinking that's not the strongest base for a friendship, even for a three-year-old.
A picked him up a couple of weeks ago and he came running up to me with two girls in tow. One of them announced that her mother said it was okay if Elliot came to her house, the other one just smiled shyly at me (turns out the latter one was the one with the same toothbrush). I had a short conversation with the chatty one, but essentially I blew them off.
Then today we were driving home, and Elliot announces he wants to go to Sam's house with his drum. I asked why, and he said Sam had a guitar and they were going to make a band. Obviously there had been a conversation about this with Sam...how I would have LOVED to hear it. Apparently the band's not going to be on the road (?).
I'm guessing this is going to start happening more and more, and I have to admit I'm out of my element. While I want to encourage Elliot to make friends, how do I go about (and this is going to sound bad) figuring out if I actually want Elliot to have a play date with these kids? And if I can somehow surmise that I'm okay with it, how do I go about arranging it with the parents? I run into different parents every time I drop off Elliot.
I can just imagine myself writing a note to the child's parent, asking for a play date, and the parent reading it, thinking "who is this desperate parent?". And is this just all talk at this point? Does he really expect anything to happen, or are these just musings?
An obvious tactic is to become more involved at daycare, but seeing as I'm putting my kids in daycare so I can go to work, that's a bit counter-productive. I will try to go to any events they have, but so far they've only had one. Another tactic would be to start having play dates with kids we DO know.
As an aside, Greg informed me that Elliot announced he's going to Alena's birthday party (Alena is the one with the toothbrush). We have yet to see an invitation, so I'm guessing he's not invited.
And so it begins...I have enough trouble with my own social life. I am not looking forward to managing my son's.
Comments
the 'playdate'
i hate that term - that never happened when we were kids - when we were very young we played with our siblings. I never played with anyone else until I was 4 or 5 years old. Then our playmates were always neighbor kids, next door, across the street. my parents NEVER drove us to any house. The closest thing to that was birthday invites, and again, only once in primary school.
things have changed so much. Daycare unites children from all across an area. Children with older sibs have heard the term 'playdate' already and use it freely. Parents now wanting their children to play with others eagerly drive across town to get them together. Children are no longer concentrated in neighbourhoods like they used to be when we were kids. They live in town houses, apartment buildings, basement suites...neighbourhoods have changed.
I think agreeing to stay 'after school' awhile to meet kids and their parents is generally enough, especially at such a young age. Playing in neighbourhood parks and playgrounds on home days will eventually result in meeting more neighbourhood kids and in just two years, kindergarten will change everything and you'll find kids you never saw before (probably because they've been out on playdates across town) living two doors down the street.
the playdate in my opinion with children you barely know and parents you don't know at all can become quite time consuming and sometimes very awkward. Sorry this comment was so long...
oh man, is he growing up that fast?
It still amazes me how detailed their conversations can be... and it makes me think Elliot is getting so grown up. Imagine him discussing the formation of a band, the decision of who would play which instrument, and the decision not to go on the road? It makes me smile to think about it.
I think Ann's suggestion is great. Meeting for a playdate in neutral territory that involves everyone is a good idea and a way to get to know other parents and make sure you are still "in charge" and spending time with your kids.
And so it begins
Oh boy. Annie is just on the front end of this curve, and it is interesting to hear where it will be going. Everyday she talks about "my friends". Will my friends be there? Are my friends coming? and so on...
Even when we try to say that these people are "our friends", she adamantly puts her foot down, places her hand on her chest, and says forcefully, "They are MY friends." Too funny.
I guess the demand for play dates will be soon to follow. Not sure how I'll handle that, especially since I'm not sure I speak enough German to make sure we are all at the same place at the same time. :)
Christine just emails the
Christine just emails the parents of the child that Elise wants to play with.
In case it helps...
As you know, our kids were in daycare too. We didn't start doing play dates until Kindergarten, except for with one child at the daycare whose mother was one of the caregivers at the daycare. Having said that, my kids were in care Monday-Friday, all day, so they got to play with their friends all week anyway.
In the meantime, rather than setting up play dates at your house or theirs, you could suggest meeting the friend at a playground, which would give you a chance to get to know the family.
Or, you could just keep deferring until school, which wouldn't have any negative long term effects, I'm sure.