Throw sand at his mother? Check.
Throw sand at his father? Check.
Throw sand at his sister? Check.
Hit his mother? Check.
Hit his father? Check.
Kick his sister? Check.
Throw toys at his door? Check.
Throw his shoes? Check, check.
And so was Elliot's day today...and this is after spending four entire days with just me, visiting family. No sharing me with Amy or any other kids, no sharing me with Greg, no sharing me with housework, and no daycare for four days. Maybe it was the shock of coming home.
If I had to bet money on whether or not he will outgrow this stage, I'd bet on him outgrowing out, but that's just the rational part of me. The irrational part of me has a very real fear that this is never going to end.
I hate what this is doing to me. I over-analyze things, I get nervous every time I pick him up from daycare or come home after he's been with Greg, anxious to hear the "report". I have to bite my tongue after one of his meltdowns (for lack of a better word) to keep from harping too much on how he's feeling, and what different things we can do with our anger, and does he understand why we don't hit and blah, blah, blah. I alternate between wanting to shake him and wanting to hug him. I wonder where the hell these rages come from and I marvel at how quickly he can both escalate things and return to normal as if nothing happened. If only I could move on as easily. With each meltdown, my stress level seems to snowball.
And what frustrates me more than the behaviour is how the hell to respond to it. From what most people have said, we're doing the right things. I want to see results, but in some ways I think it's getting worse. My latest theory is I think we should just walk away as soon as he hits us. Totally disengage. The problem with that is you can't always do it. If something happens to piss him off while we're in the kitchen and he hits me, if I walk away he'll start throwing things. And unlike his bedroom, the kitchen is full of breakable things. Ok, so get him to his room and then disengage. But getting him to his room when he's in the middle of it is awful, because if we pick him up, he's a kicking, screaming, mass. We literally have to pin down his arms and carry him sideways. NOT FUN. And if we go the other route and try to hug him to help him calm down, he just lashes out again.
So that's where we're at right now. This has been by far the hardest few months of parenting for me, and I can't see an end to it. Despite what everyone tells me.
Comments
you need a day too
i agree, you need a day off too. You've had 4 days yourself of concentrated parenting...you need a grown-up day to unwind, de-stress and take it easy. Parenting is hard - physically and emotionally. It's a marathon sometimes. It's ok to feel totally frustrated about the behaviour of your child, and then you feel frustrated at your own behaviour too. You want your child to behave a certain way and then you want the mummy-you to behave a certain way too. But your child is acting emotionally and we do too. That's what we are - what we're made of. It's hard not to beat ourselves up. Because we get upset, or angry or impatient or indifferent - or whatever way we feel to try to deal with it. Second guessing, over-analyzing - we question every action we take as a reaction to the behaviour.
Big hugs to you and all your mum friends with preschoolers.
Um...yah.
So pretty much ditto to everything in your post. Laird is exactly the same, although different tantrums. He slams the door to his room and only on my "sleep-in" days ( not really sleep-in, more like hide in my room until 8am). I always threaten to take the door off so he won't have anything to slam.
Sounds like we're due for a couple of days on our own!
Been there (again)
I keep using the same subject line in all my comments. Doesn't that say it all?
I guess you've tried an earlier bedtime with no results? We also gave up juice. I found that helped a little. Liam is a bit funny when he's had juice (straight up sugar, even if it's "natural"). Otherwise, I suggest getting lots of sleep yourself, so that you have more energy and patience to handle the situations.
And please remember that you are a wonderful parent, and you're so not alone!!
And most important, my now Grade 1 boy (who was miserable last week, and I now think he (and the rest of us) had H1N1! No wonder! So, ya, pretty good reason for being a little un-fun!!), went off to his first day all anxious, but excited. We had the rest of the day together, because I came home sick (geesh...who knew that nasty cough I have was the first symptom of the SwineFlu?!), and he was awesome. Sure he has his moments of pushing-back on his controlling mother, but it's not like it was. It's not even close. Hang in there!