I dropped Elliot off at daycare today and watched from outside the door for a few minutes, as he seemed even more hesitant than usual. He just stood there, looking around, with a very solemn look on his face. I wanted to wait until I saw him move towards something (or someone), but he didn't move. I eventually had to go.
Now, if I think practically about this, I can remind myself that he's almost always happy when I pick him up, there are no tears when I drop him off, he talks about daycare quite a bit, and none of what he says is negative. And I can also remind myself that this is his nature. I know it takes him a while to warm up, especially in group situations. Plus he hasn't been there since Thursday.
So no, none of this is surprising, but on days like today, when maybe I'm feeling a bit vulnerable myself, I wonder what I'm doing to him as I turn around and leave when he'd rather just spend the day with me.
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i have the same question
I had a frustrating morning with Lizzy. One that started off well and started to descend into tears and anger (tears for her, anger for me) when we got to the point where she needed to put on her shoes so we could leave. Only to have her decide that she wanted to change part of her outfit as she now feared she would be cold. But we had no time for a wardrobe change. So I left to load the car. Only to return and find her still mulling over which tights to select. And before anyone offers any tips: we were up early - she was dressed with plenty of time available - she had eaten breakfast - we weren't in a hurry. So where did we go wrong? Who knows, but the combined effect of this scenario on my patience (or lack thereof) and her personality was not good. No one was happy as we went out the door.
I was still fuming as we pulled up in front of the school and Lizzy complained about a headache. Oy va! YOU have a headache? What about me? I offered no sympathy and suggested she suck it up. Nice mothering. So now what started out as me being angry with her delays in leaving the house has now manifested itself as guilt.
We got to school (thankfully this is my morning to go in with her and read) and had time to make some peace. But she didn't want to say goodbye and I can understand why. We had made peace, but still, I felt bad still and I think she did as well.
I spent the entire drive to work wondering how I can do a better job of parenting. And wondering where I went wrong. And basically feeling completely bummed out. I only spent about 30 seconds wondering if this would have been different if I didn't have to go to work. The answer is: no. She still needed to get to school. I suppose you get to have some working mother guilt about drop off for another couple of years... and then it will go away and be replaced in an entirely different way. :-)
Is it ever going to get easier? I have this feeling the answer is, sort of. But moments like this won't ever go away. Thankfully they are so loving and cute. And even if they ever stop being loving and cute we have the photos and the blog posts to prove that at one time they were loving and cute. :-)
misery loves company
Thanks for the comment, K. Sorry to hear your morning wasn't great. I sometimes ask my mother for advice, and she often says she's at a loss, because she doesn't think she went through this with her kids. Ya, right. She had four kids. I'm sure she went through this, many times. She's just blocked it out because it was so traumatizing. That's what we'll do, too, as the years go by. :)
Hope your afternoon and evening with Lizzy is more enjoyable. If not, there's always tomorrow!